she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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