Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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