Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
