I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
