sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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