Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
