My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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