i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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