good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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