How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
