And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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