Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
