highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
