he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
