she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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