they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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