Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
