im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
