i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
