She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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