dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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