Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
