all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
