im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
