just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
