I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
