Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My pussy is not your playground.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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