Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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