I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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