So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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