We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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