Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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