please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
This house was built for laser tag.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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