i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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