he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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