i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
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