I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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