I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
