How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
