you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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