I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
