i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize