I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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