Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
