After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
