I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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