I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
