Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
