My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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