my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
