I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
