I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He felt like a one man threesome
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
