good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
