I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize