I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
