Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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