Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
