You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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