im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
