we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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