I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
