Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
