my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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