Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
