I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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