Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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