I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize