you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize