party gras won. party gras always wins.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
