youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just threw up on my dentist
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
