I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
No...this little piggys going to the bar
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
