Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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