She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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