I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
