Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
