Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
