there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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