I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
