FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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