When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
